somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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