Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
