woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
birth control should be required to get into college
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
