i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
