he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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