She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
