She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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