i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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