so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
