it wasn't lemon gatorade
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
