As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
