Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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