I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
