Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
