haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
