Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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