it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
