A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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