Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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