Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
