Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
