i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
