dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
