Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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