And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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