I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
