you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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