I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
