Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
