Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
