Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
