8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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