You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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