Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize