my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Still dying that you shit outside
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
