I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize