You're my little dorito
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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