There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
