She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
