She is in my trunk
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
