no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
