We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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