I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
