Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
that's an acceptable place to lick
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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