This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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