My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize