I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
