Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
