all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
