Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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