Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
