Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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