Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
