My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
