Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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