It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
