If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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