Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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