I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
