apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
