either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
