I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
