I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
