When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
