does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
