found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
