i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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