And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
