my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Drunk is a universal language darling
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
