I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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