I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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