If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Let's get the cat blown out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
