Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
