My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
