this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
