So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
