420 ftw
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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