we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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