Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
